The Beauty of Being Triggered: What Two Weeks of Deep Connection Taught Me About Love, Healing and Presence

 

 

By Alexis Hannagan | The Sanctuary Australia

 

I spent the last two weeks almost completely disconnected from technology, on the most mesmerizing adventure with, let’s just say, a special someone.

And I’m still processing everything that’s happened.

What I thought would be two weeks of adventure, connection and getting to know someone turned into something that felt like a transformational retreat.

Not because I intended it to, but because we made a conscious decision to be fully present with each other.

No distractions. No constantly checking our phones. Just being together, exploring, learning, connecting and allowing whatever needed to unfold.

And wow, did some things unfold!

When Being Present Brings Up the Past

At one point, he said something to me that really touched a wound I didn’t even realize was still there.

 

He said:

“I don’t want to think about the past. I don’t want to think about the future. I just want to be as present as I can in this moment with you. You’re the most important person to me right now.”

Beautiful words, right?

But something inside me felt nervous. Sad. Vulnerable.

The little girl within me heard something completely different.

Maybe he’s uncertain about our future.

Maybe this is temporary.

Maybe he’s going to leave.

And there it was.

An old wound around abandonment and rejection coming to the surface.

 

It’s fascinating how our minds can take something so beautiful and interpret it through the lens of an old experience.

And often, we’re not even aware we’re doing it.

Fourteen Years of Inner Work Changed My Response

I’ve spent the last 14 years exploring personal development, yoga, meditation, coaching, healing and self-awareness.

And what I’ve come to understand is that healing doesn’t mean we never get triggered.

It means we learn how to respond differently when we do.

Instead of reacting, withdrawing, becoming defensive or projecting my fears onto him, I took a breath.

I became curious about what was happening inside me.

And I simply shared how I was feeling.

“Something you said a moment ago has brought up a strange feeling in me. I’m feeling a little sad and vulnerable, and I want to understand why.”

 

That one moment of honesty opened up the most beautiful conversation.

He was able to explain what he actually meant, rather than me creating an entire story around his words.

And suddenly, there was understanding.

There was connection.

There was an opportunity for us to know each other on a much deeper level.

And this happened three times throughout our two weeks together!

Two weeks NON-STOP, I might add.

And this is a Gemini woman speaking! I love adventure, depth, communication, learning, exploring and intellectual connection.

So you can imagine the intensity.

But just like a diamond is formed under immense pressure, sometimes it’s through intensity that we discover the most beautiful parts of ourselves.

Relationships Can Be Our Greatest Teachers

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had from this experience is that when we enter a relationship, we’re not just connecting with another person.

 

We’re also meeting parts of ourselves that perhaps haven’t been fully seen, loved or understood.

Our fears.

Our insecurities.

Our childhood wounds.

Our desire to feel safe, chosen, loved and accepted.

And sometimes these parts of us only become visible when we allow someone to get close enough to touch them.

I used to think that being triggered meant I hadn’t done enough work on myself.

Now I see it so differently.

The work isn’t about becoming so healed that nothing ever affects us.

It’s about developing the awareness to recognize what’s happening within us, taking responsibility for our feelings and learning how to communicate them.

Because when we don’t communicate, we start creating stories.

We assume what someone means.

We imagine what they’re thinking.

We react to fears that may have absolutely nothing to do with what’s happening in the present moment.

And the other person is left guessing.

Safety and Truth: The Foundations of Real Intimacy

 

For me, two of the most important foundations of a healthy relationship are safety and truth.

Feeling safe enough to say:

“That hurt me.”

“I’m feeling scared.”

“I’m feeling vulnerable.”

“Something has come up for me, and I’d love to talk about it.”

Without worrying that we’re going to look silly, needy, overly emotional or like some broken mess.

And being truthful enough to express what’s happening inside us without blaming the other person.

There’s such a difference between saying:

“You made me feel abandoned.”

And saying:

“When you said that, I noticed a feeling of abandonment coming up in me, and I’d love to understand it.”

One creates blame.

The other creates an opportunity for understanding.

When we share our feelings with someone, we’re giving them information about our inner world.

We’re giving them an opportunity to understand us more deeply.

And we’re creating space for them to share their truth too.

This is where real intimacy begins.

Not in pretending we’re perfectly healed.

But in having the courage to be seen.

 

The Power of Bringing Our Wounds Into the Light

There’s an ancient saying from the Gospel of Thomas that feels particularly profound to me right now:

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.”

And I keep coming back to those words.

Because what we have the courage to bring into the light no longer has to silently control us.

The feelings we suppress, the fears we avoid and the stories we unconsciously carry can influence how we experience love, relationships and even our businesses.

But when we become aware of them, we create the possibility of choosing differently.

We can stop repeating the same patterns.

We can stop abandoning ourselves in an attempt to be loved.

We can learn to communicate our needs without shame.

And we can begin to experience relationships from a place of greater self-trust, emotional maturity and openness.

Love Is Not About Being Perfectly Healed

 

As I continue integrating the richness, beauty, vulnerability and growth of these past two weeks, I’m reminded of something I share so often with the women I coach.

You don’t have to be perfectly healed to experience beautiful love.

You don’t have to have every wound resolved before allowing someone into your heart.

And you certainly don’t have to pretend you’re always confident, strong and completely together.

Sometimes our greatest transformation happens through connection.

Through allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

Through speaking our truth.

Through being willing to listen, learn and understand ourselves and another person.

Of course, this also requires someone who is willing to meet us with honesty, care, respect and emotional availability.

Because healthy love isn’t just about doing our own inner work.

It’s also about choosing relationships where both people are willing to grow.

And perhaps that’s one of the most beautiful things about conscious relationships.

They don’t just invite us to love another person.

They invite us to know and love ourselves more deeply.

And for that, I’m incredibly grateful.

With so much love,

Alexis Hannagan

Founder, The Sanctuary Australia

Women’s Transformation Coach | Yoga Teacher | Retreat Facilitator

⸻

 

Are You Ready for Your Own Transformation?

 

If this story has resonated with you, perhaps you’re ready to explore what’s holding you back from experiencing the love, confidence, freedom and fulfillment you truly desire.

Whether you’re wanting to call in your soulmate, create a healthy and passionate relationship, release old emotional patterns, or experience a deeper transformation in your life and business, I’d love to support you.

Through my private coaching, I work with women who are ready to reconnect with themselves, release limiting beliefs, strengthen their self-worth and step into a more empowered, magnetic version of who they truly are.

I currently have one private coaching space available for November.

If you’re feeling called to explore working together, I’d love to invite you to a complimentary clarity call.

WhatsApp us on 0423 611 704 to find out more and arrange your call.

With love,

 

 

Alexis 🤍

The Sanctuary Australia