Being the Good Girl Is Costing You More Than You Realise

 

 

Why stepping out of people-pleasing, reclaiming your voice and embracing your true power could change everything in your life and business.

 

By Alexis Hannagan | Founder of The Sanctuary Australia, Women’s Coach, Mentor & Retreat Leader

 

How much is playing small really costing you?

Your voice. Your confidence. Your income. Your relationships. Your health. Your dreams.

And quite possibly the very life and business you came here to create.

I’ve spent so much of my life unlearning the conditioning of being the nice girl.

 

The people pleaser. The woman who doesn’t want to ruffle feathers. Who wants everyone to be happy. Who questions herself, undercharges, overgives and makes herself smaller to keep the peace.

And after 14 years of running my own business, leading international retreats, founding The Sanctuary Boutique Retreat in Sydney and supporting thousands of women through their own healing and transformation journeys, one of the biggest things I’ve learnt is this…

The discomfort of being fully yourself is NOTHING compared to the suffering of constantly abandoning yourself.

And I see this all the time, particularly with women in the wellness, coaching and personal development industries.

So many incredibly gifted women. Healers, coaches, yoga teachers, practitioners, mentors and visionary entrepreneurs.

Women with so much wisdom, so much experience, so much love and so many beautiful gifts to share with the world.

But they’re holding back.

 

Scared of being seen. Scared of charging what they’re worth. Scared of what people will think. Scared of being too much, too loud, too successful or too different.

And the sad thing is, the world is missing out on what these women have to offer.

The good girl conditioning runs deep

From a young age, so many of us are taught to be nice, polite, agreeable and accommodating.

Don’t upset anyone. Don’t be too loud. Don’t be difficult. Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

And especially here in Australia, where tall poppy syndrome is so ingrained in our culture.

 

God forbid a woman actually knows her worth, takes up space, earns great money, speaks confidently about her gifts and unapologetically shines.

Who does she think she is?

Sound familiar?

Well, I’m fucking done with that.

Because I’ve seen what happens when women spend years suppressing their truth, their desires, their creativity and their power just to be accepted.

They become exhausted. Frustrated. Disconnected from themselves.

They find themselves in relationships that don’t feel right, businesses that aren’t aligned, working with clients who drain their energy, constantly giving more than they receive.

And often they don’t even realise how much of their life is being shaped by the fear of disappointing other people.

My own journey from corporate life to creating The Sanctuary

 

Before I entered the wellness and personal development world, I worked in corporate marketing in London, including with companies such as Coca-Cola and Royal & Sun Alliance.

I was on a completely different path.

But deep down I knew there was something more I wanted to explore.

I wanted to understand myself, human behaviour, healing, consciousness and what actually allows us to live a deeply fulfilling life.

So in my twenties, I made the decision to change direction.

And that decision led me on a journey of studying, travelling, teaching, coaching, leading retreats internationally and eventually creating The Sanctuary Australia.

It certainly hasn’t been a perfectly smooth journey.

There have been so many moments of fear, uncertainty, self-doubt and having to make decisions that felt incredibly uncomfortable.

 

Times when I’ve had to question my own beliefs, confront old patterns, let go of things that weren’t aligned and learn to trust myself at a much deeper level.

And that journey is still unfolding.

But looking back, so much of my growth has come from those moments when I’ve chosen courage over comfort.

Not because I wasn’t afraid.

But because I was no longer willing to let fear make all my decisions.

Sometimes you have to face your own darkness to find your power

Funny enough, as I’m writing this, I’m currently staying at a Kali ashram in Bali.

And the timing feels rather perfect.

In Hindu traditions, Kali is associated with transformation, the destruction of illusion and liberation.

And for me, she represents something I’ve been working with for so much of my life.

The courage to face the parts of ourselves we’d rather avoid.

 

Our fears. Our shadows. Our insecurities. Our old stories. The parts of us that have been hurt, rejected, abandoned or taught that it’s safer to stay small.

Because those parts don’t just disappear when we start a business or become a coach or healer.

They come with us.

They show up when we’re about to launch a new offering.

When we’re thinking about increasing our prices.

When we want to run our first retreat.

When we’re about to post something vulnerable on social media.

When we need to set a boundary with a client.

Or when we know deep down that something in our life needs to change.

And this is where the deeper work begins.

Not by pretending we’re fearless or forcing ourselves to be positive all the time.

But by getting curious about what’s actually holding us back.

 

Learning to sit with the uncomfortable feelings, understand our patterns and slowly build the self-trust to move forward anyway.

It’s not always pretty. And it’s certainly not always comfortable.

But my goodness, it’s powerful.

Your business can only grow so far when you’re constantly abandoning yourself

Something I see so often with women in business is the belief that they just need another strategy.

Another qualification. Another course. Another website. Another marketing plan.

And yes, practical business skills are incredibly important.

But what happens when you have all the knowledge and tools, yet you’re still terrified of being seen?

What happens when you know your work is valuable but you feel guilty charging for it?

Or you have an incredible retreat idea but keep putting it off because you’re worried nobody will book?

Or you keep changing your offerings, throwing spaghetti at the wall, because you don’t quite trust yourself enough to commit to your own vision?

 

This is where business development and personal development become so deeply connected.

Because sometimes the next level of your business isn’t about learning more.

It’s about becoming the woman who can actually hold what she’s asking for.

The visibility.

The responsibility.

The money.

The leadership.

The boundaries.

The growth.

And yes, sometimes the criticism that comes with putting yourself out into the world.

Being a heart-centred woman doesn’t mean being available to everyone

 

I think this is such an important conversation, especially in the healing and wellness industries.

Somewhere along the way, many women have developed this belief that being spiritual, compassionate or of service means constantly giving.

Giving their time. Giving discounts. Giving free advice. Giving more than they’ve agreed to.

And then wondering why they’re exhausted, financially stressed or beginning to resent the business they once loved.

You can be incredibly loving and still have strong boundaries.

You can be deeply spiritual and charge premium prices.

You can be generous and still value your time.

You can care deeply about your clients without taking responsibility for everyone else’s happiness.

And you can be a beautiful, feminine, heart-centred woman who doesn’t tolerate bullshit.

These things are not mutually exclusive.

 

In fact, the more I’ve learnt to honour myself, my energy and my own boundaries, the more grounded I’ve become in the way I support others.

The world doesn’t need another woman playing small

It needs women who are willing to be different.

Women who are willing to speak up, take up space, challenge old beliefs and create businesses and lives that genuinely reflect who they are.

Women who aren’t constantly looking around to see what everyone else is doing.

Women who can lead with love and compassion, but also with courage, strength and self-respect.

And sometimes that means being the black sheep.

Sometimes it means people won’t understand you.

Some people might judge you, disagree with you or project their own fears onto you.

And yes, that can feel uncomfortable.

But isn’t that a much smaller price to pay than spending your entire life hiding who you really are?

Because the alternative can be years of feeling stuck, frustrated and disconnected from the life you’re here to live.

And I know which one I’d rather choose.

Becoming the woman who can hold her next level

This is what I’m so passionate about through my work at The Sanctuary.

 

Supporting women to reconnect with their truth, uncover the beliefs and patterns that have been holding them back and step into a much deeper level of confidence, self-trust and personal leadership.

And for the visionary women, coaches, healers, yoga teachers, mentors and practitioners I work with, this transformation can flow into every area of their business.

Having the courage to share their message.

Creating and launching their own retreats.

Charging in a way that honours their expertise.

Building offerings that genuinely excite them.

Becoming more visible.

Attracting clients who value their work.

And creating a business that supports their life rather than constantly draining them.

Because this isn’t just about making more money or growing a business.

It’s about becoming the woman who can hold the life, the love, the abundance, the leadership and the impact she’s been dreaming of.

And doing it with an open heart, depth, courage, radiance and a whole lot of self-respect.

Are you ready to step into your next chapter?

If you’re a woman who knows she has so much more to share with the world, but something keeps holding you back, I’d love to support you.

Through The Sanctuary Australia, I offer private one-on-one coaching and transformation programs for women ready to move beyond people-pleasing, self-doubt and playing small, and into a life and business that feels deeply aligned.

 

I also offer bespoke private retreats at The Sanctuary Boutique Retreat in Sydney, creating beautiful spaces for women to reconnect, heal, gain clarity and step into their next chapter.

And soon, through The Sanctuary Academy, we’ll be launching our two-day Sound Healing Practitioner Training, combining practical sound healing skills with personal development, confidence, holding space and opportunities to expand your work in the wellness industry.

Whether you’re ready to grow your business, lead your first retreat, develop new skills or simply reconnect with the powerful woman you know is inside you, there’s a space for you here.

Because you didn’t come here to spend your life playing small.

You came here to live it. Fully.

With love,

 

 

Alexis Hannagan

Founder of The Sanctuary Australia
Women’s Coach, Mentor & Retreat Leader

 

Explore coaching, private retreats and upcoming trainings:
www.thesanctuaryaustralia.com